Day 5- Tempted Again!

I was looking at our snaps today, me and Em. I had gone on okcupid this morning and done some first emails. It's like, the more I'm tempted to contact her, the more I have to be using the dating apps. It's utter hell sometimes not trying to send her a text or email or even call. I have a lot of stuff coming up in my life I'm excited about, started stand up comedy, possible musical collaborators, getting back in shape, starting a podcast even. But I just feel the Em thing is unresolved and I can't find closure. I'm seeing my therapist Friday, maybe he can tell me what I should say if I should at all.

I went to a psychic last week who told me that we're still connected somehow, and that eventually that we'll talk again once things are cleared up.


I don't know if I should have hope or not for this, it's utter fucking hell.


I just think that one email or text can make a difference, but I know it may not.

She's so stubborn and bitter towards people in her past that reconciliation seems impossible.

It varies minute by minute- I get hopeful for the future without her, and then I go back to seeking her again.

I just want it to stop, the pain and the fear.

I think if I had had more experience with women in my life, things would've been better.

But alas, I am caught in this endless cycle of wanting to reach out right now, just to get some type of response from her again.

I'm going to go on with my day. I got a lot of emails sent and I have a lot of prospects in life in general right now.

I realize that my own negativity got the best of me with this situation.

I just wish I can tell her that.